so...this is it.

"never THIS... always THAT!"
he said under his breathe.
she was trying to muster the courage it took
to speak out and explain her ways.
"but... it can be right this way too!"
she exclaimed.
not meaning to be as loud as she had been.
she swung away from him
hiding her face to wish away what had become.
was it all or nothing?
couldn't it be all or all or nothing or nothing?
maybe not... but she thought this way.
he knew, she thought to herself
he knew... maybe its all for sport.
trying to convince herself that,
this was the way it was "supposed to be"
feelings of
detachment,
emotional withdrawl,
and suppression invade her mindscape now.
her thoughts run away with these ideas
now speeding into an imploded reality
nothing went right from here on
she wanted to forget. so she tried.
she'll push this further back into a corner of her brain
trying but it'll always be there.

the subconscious is a dirty fuck
that loves to watch us squirm.
that is the reality.
hiding won't work.