Into the Ocean

This picture I took in Maine. I love it.

Into the Ocean

by Blue October

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be...
be...

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard?
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam, junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life, believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing?)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow, yeah
Just to prove I knew how, yeah
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean...end it all

face-fuct

yes. if you all are coming to this page now it's because my facebook is being shut down. everyone should do it. facebook sucks lets all be honest. read the news about facebook. see what is going on and i'd hope that you do the same as me and delete it. it used to be one of the best but now that its popularity has grown, facebook has become the monster of the internet. i know it's fun and easy but is it still fun and easy when your messages and posts are being censored and read by people you don't even know?

read this article and see what is really going on. http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2010/05/facebook-debuts-simplified-privacy-settings/

Rumblings in the Dark

killing life.

killing time.

the world is changing now.

our ripples turn to great waves,

in far off places.

turn the page now,

and you'll see.

people crying out in crimson tides,

they know nothing but that their past generations failed.

failed at maintaining control.

now great wars erupt here and there,

pollution.destruction.despair.

we still have time RIGHT NOW.

time to make our hopes into reality.

but first we need to suffer,

like the world that is dying around us.

we are part of this and this all is part of us,

--please, i beg--don't forget where you are.

cat world.

i stare out the window
similar to a kitten longing for freedom.
i watch the people below
not knowing what i'd do if they looked up
and saw me.
dreaming of grass and sunshine
but seeing people and pavement.
chasing shadows like they were mice
ready to pounce out the window
and land on my feet.

modeling time

I'm floating again
changing time
passing winds sweep me up,
up off the ground
in this motionless forever
i seem to drift
never knowing my destination,
seeing only blue skies and pillowy clouds
i want to be a part of it all,
have some significance i can call my own

Sprinter.

my heart is pumping so hard
almost out of my chest
sometimes i get short of breath
just walking up the stairs
a heart beat beckons me to move
i can not deny it this wish
so i run fast and i hope to take off
my hips coming undone the more i stretch my legs
the ground passing quickly below me
"i can make it, i can make it"
this is my song
my arms pumping in time to the beat
and finally i'm there
passing everyone
till nobody stands in my way
i can fly.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

tearing out my insides now
i'm alone even before the real abandonment
alone to keep me and myself
internal struggle, oh so true
my hair falls out
as i take in the world around me
landing where it pleases
and all i can see is street trash
walking next to me
projecting my troubled thoughts onto filth
mood swings that can't be treated
...with anything but life.

bleep.

staring at painted nails

chipping away the plum color

as i chip away at my thoughts

processing dearly

has it been lost?

the glimmer in my eyes

the hope in my smile

am i losing it?

what brought us together

im desperately tearing and clawing for answers

trying to peel away the unwanted cover

as the paint falls slowly away from every finger

i can not find the breaking point

i can not find the way

i am no longer focused on the answers

just the correct feeling of pulling the paint away

comfort comes from it as i search endlessly now

the last bit of paint tears off my now unpolished nail

and still i'm left wondering.

Entwined Souls

“At times, I almost dream. I, too, have spent a life the sages’ way and tread once more familiar paths. Perchance, I perished in an arrogant self-reliance an age ago and in that act, a prayer for one more chance went up so earnest, so—Instinct with better light let in by death that life was blotted out not so completely, but scattered wrecks, enough of it to remain dim memories, as now when seems once more the goal in sight again.”

Have we always been lovers? This thought often occurs in my head, this notion of souls bound to one another. Is it possible that I have loved you all years of my soul and have been making a way, a path designed so that we could be? I get such joy and my soul jumps when it is around you. It never wants to be without you. I am reborn with the knowledge that I need you by my side for my great journey. I seek you out among the many others that populate our place because you have a new body now, one that I do not recognize. But oh! I recognize the feeling of being with you. My one. Truth is that you are the only one that will get me there. You are the only one that knows my soul well enough to make it whole. You fill in my gaps, from which springs new self discovery and meaning to life. You take me on a journey to reach enlightenment of body and soul.

Since body can transfer ideas to soul. The soul can only feel what is right for it in existential ways such as thought and ideals. The body can experience many more things through its senses. The soul needs the body; it craves the body’s input. Touch is one of the triggers; it helps me know that it’s really you. The way you hold me and caress me like you have so many times before makes me feel that I am once again at home.

Being reborn is an obstacle we have always had to face. We lose each other for a time and are sad with our lives. But when we find each other again and we melt into one another. Really we are one. We belong together. We complete each other. In rebirth there is some greater aspect that we are striving to achieve but we can only do this together. We make each other’s multiple lives better and each time we are reborn our souls are more focused on its goal. This goal could be a simple or complex thing. Only through each other though can it be reached.

Sometimes though, fate lends its hand and orchestrates our binding. A chance meeting, a partnership, and then more. I time and again think to myself, how could we be both moving fast and slow at the same time? Well I believe now I know the answer to this riddle. In moving fast our bodies are trying to catch up with what our souls already know, but the souls need proof through simple things like touch and words, which they have imprinted on us so that we would always be able to find each other. The slowness comes from the soul and trying to figure out what our greater goal is. Seeking and loving is an almost endless cycle for the soul but once that greater purpose is reached we are finally at peace.

: : Whenever my soul is connected to yours I feel a perfection that I know I have felt before. You are my best friend. You are my love. You are my one. You are my soul. Whenever you feel alone know our souls are going to always be together and that this life is going to lead into a new one and I’ll be in it waiting there for you. : :

Whole-Heartedness Exposed

grey matter approaches

my head hung low again

drowning and dreary outside

sirens crying in the air

somebody tell me i'm really here.

this weighs heavy on my soul

trapped here in this flesh

i can extend my heart

sympathize with the whole

but i can not tear away this fakeness

i can not step out of this body.

enlightenment is a sham

hopeful and obedient

they slave away for something unreachable to life.

a bird is crying

does it know some sadness

that i could not bear on my shoulders

it can fly

it is not caged.

i contemplate my existence

because i can

remember

my sun drenched hair

my feet bare in the grass

my arms open

i was made of sin

i have limitations

life's goal is death.

freedom.

split second decisions

yesterday i walked out into traffic.

my mind was blank.

i heard no sounds.

the light was hitting just right on every plane.

then out of the silence and blankness,

came the sound of your voice.

you called to me.

i swung around to look at you,

to see what was the matter.

you pulled me back.

into you. into me. into the world.

time picked up again.

cars zoomed by. people were talking.

i don't know where i was.

but it wasn't here.

looking back on love

i know i've hurt,
caused pain during my time here.
done fucked up things,
i regret.

i know i've helped,
made beauty out of so little.
you know,
i look forward.

but in the end,
on that scale,
will it all even out?
will my life have meant something to me?

when few days are left in my life,
and i'm remembering you,
will i have touched you for the positive?
i hope so. i pray so. i beg so.

i want to remember;
dancing with you in slow, perfect harmony,
laughing at your stupid faces,
crying because my heart was so heavy with love,
holding you in the mornings and kissing your forehead,
you telling me that you love me.
and if i can remember those moments before i go
i'll know i'm going in peace.

Change In Heart

my opinions will be mine
and yours will be yours
nothing will change that
but i can try and try hard
to understand your point
so don't give in or give up
communication is everything to me
if i can't be open
i can't be.
you shutting me down and trying to shut me up
that won't work,
you will just make me lash out more.
what don't you understand about that?
everything, apparently.
you don't apologize or listen
or even try.
just give a little bit
push yourself to understand me
have a change in heart.
i know i have.

team work is always better

stick together,
always together

we possessed her,
for that time.

in our world,
our special world.

you and i were one,
we were always one.

working hard,
saving face,
making decisions as we do.

"team work is always better" you said,
and i smiled because i know its true,
especially when i'm working with you.

Cyclical Motion Interrupt

i'm stuck in this tragic routine
not knowing any exit
feeling blindly for doors that can't be found
breathing in and out
someone save me
anyone? save me?
it's turning and constantly grinding
whats left of me
down down down
into a pulp like matter
and once i'm there.
theres no turning back
then suddenly
a voice?
did i hear a voice?
its my name! my name! they are calling out!
im ready
the trap is disarmed and i can escape
finally.

so...this is it.

"never THIS... always THAT!"
he said under his breathe.
she was trying to muster the courage it took
to speak out and explain her ways.
"but... it can be right this way too!"
she exclaimed.
not meaning to be as loud as she had been.
she swung away from him
hiding her face to wish away what had become.
was it all or nothing?
couldn't it be all or all or nothing or nothing?
maybe not... but she thought this way.
he knew, she thought to herself
he knew... maybe its all for sport.
trying to convince herself that,
this was the way it was "supposed to be"
feelings of
detachment,
emotional withdrawl,
and suppression invade her mindscape now.
her thoughts run away with these ideas
now speeding into an imploded reality
nothing went right from here on
she wanted to forget. so she tried.
she'll push this further back into a corner of her brain
trying but it'll always be there.

the subconscious is a dirty fuck
that loves to watch us squirm.
that is the reality.
hiding won't work.

heart donor

i am one of those...
those heart donors
my heart comes in a box
wrapped and tied with ribbon
given to the highest bidder
my heart is yours and yours
never mine
always seeking a new
pumping and giving more
sharing myself with you now
don't let this heart go to waste
someone else can use it.

Lightning Bolt Surprise

dancing in the twilight of her mind
she explores.
thoughts pour like words from her lovers mouth
she sees deep and ever deeper into the great void
her face moving headlong into the wind
she knows how this will end
dirty.
terrible.
disgusting.
believing she always has a choice
happy? sad? angry?
what shall it be today?
space and time moving
faster.
"don't let them get in...
don't let them take your life away and mold it into their box
don't let their ideas suddenly become yours."
she'll say, headstrong and resilent to become more than this drone.
this model of "normal" that pollutes our world.
don't let THAT become YOU.

Remembering My Always

I saw her in my dreams
she looked so real
--so true--
We conversed for a while
she knew how i was and will be
--looking over me--
It was the first time in years
and when I awoke
--I felt no more--
Then her song came on the radio
I smiled and it brought her back
--I won't forget--

Awesomely Unpredictable.

orange lights strung.
here-n-here.
i look into the deep abyss.
don't "they" say something about eyes being the gateway to the soul?
well if thats true.
your soul must be dark and beautiful

shooting forth in space
you float past me.
i reach out.
hoping.
reaching for your hands.
touch.
exsistence with you is endlessly wonderful

peering through the looking glass
she can't tell
who, what, when, or where.
all she knows is that this life is awesomely unpredictable.