cat world.

i stare out the window
similar to a kitten longing for freedom.
i watch the people below
not knowing what i'd do if they looked up
and saw me.
dreaming of grass and sunshine
but seeing people and pavement.
chasing shadows like they were mice
ready to pounce out the window
and land on my feet.

modeling time

I'm floating again
changing time
passing winds sweep me up,
up off the ground
in this motionless forever
i seem to drift
never knowing my destination,
seeing only blue skies and pillowy clouds
i want to be a part of it all,
have some significance i can call my own

Sprinter.

my heart is pumping so hard
almost out of my chest
sometimes i get short of breath
just walking up the stairs
a heart beat beckons me to move
i can not deny it this wish
so i run fast and i hope to take off
my hips coming undone the more i stretch my legs
the ground passing quickly below me
"i can make it, i can make it"
this is my song
my arms pumping in time to the beat
and finally i'm there
passing everyone
till nobody stands in my way
i can fly.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

tearing out my insides now
i'm alone even before the real abandonment
alone to keep me and myself
internal struggle, oh so true
my hair falls out
as i take in the world around me
landing where it pleases
and all i can see is street trash
walking next to me
projecting my troubled thoughts onto filth
mood swings that can't be treated
...with anything but life.

bleep.

staring at painted nails

chipping away the plum color

as i chip away at my thoughts

processing dearly

has it been lost?

the glimmer in my eyes

the hope in my smile

am i losing it?

what brought us together

im desperately tearing and clawing for answers

trying to peel away the unwanted cover

as the paint falls slowly away from every finger

i can not find the breaking point

i can not find the way

i am no longer focused on the answers

just the correct feeling of pulling the paint away

comfort comes from it as i search endlessly now

the last bit of paint tears off my now unpolished nail

and still i'm left wondering.

Entwined Souls

“At times, I almost dream. I, too, have spent a life the sages’ way and tread once more familiar paths. Perchance, I perished in an arrogant self-reliance an age ago and in that act, a prayer for one more chance went up so earnest, so—Instinct with better light let in by death that life was blotted out not so completely, but scattered wrecks, enough of it to remain dim memories, as now when seems once more the goal in sight again.”

Have we always been lovers? This thought often occurs in my head, this notion of souls bound to one another. Is it possible that I have loved you all years of my soul and have been making a way, a path designed so that we could be? I get such joy and my soul jumps when it is around you. It never wants to be without you. I am reborn with the knowledge that I need you by my side for my great journey. I seek you out among the many others that populate our place because you have a new body now, one that I do not recognize. But oh! I recognize the feeling of being with you. My one. Truth is that you are the only one that will get me there. You are the only one that knows my soul well enough to make it whole. You fill in my gaps, from which springs new self discovery and meaning to life. You take me on a journey to reach enlightenment of body and soul.

Since body can transfer ideas to soul. The soul can only feel what is right for it in existential ways such as thought and ideals. The body can experience many more things through its senses. The soul needs the body; it craves the body’s input. Touch is one of the triggers; it helps me know that it’s really you. The way you hold me and caress me like you have so many times before makes me feel that I am once again at home.

Being reborn is an obstacle we have always had to face. We lose each other for a time and are sad with our lives. But when we find each other again and we melt into one another. Really we are one. We belong together. We complete each other. In rebirth there is some greater aspect that we are striving to achieve but we can only do this together. We make each other’s multiple lives better and each time we are reborn our souls are more focused on its goal. This goal could be a simple or complex thing. Only through each other though can it be reached.

Sometimes though, fate lends its hand and orchestrates our binding. A chance meeting, a partnership, and then more. I time and again think to myself, how could we be both moving fast and slow at the same time? Well I believe now I know the answer to this riddle. In moving fast our bodies are trying to catch up with what our souls already know, but the souls need proof through simple things like touch and words, which they have imprinted on us so that we would always be able to find each other. The slowness comes from the soul and trying to figure out what our greater goal is. Seeking and loving is an almost endless cycle for the soul but once that greater purpose is reached we are finally at peace.

: : Whenever my soul is connected to yours I feel a perfection that I know I have felt before. You are my best friend. You are my love. You are my one. You are my soul. Whenever you feel alone know our souls are going to always be together and that this life is going to lead into a new one and I’ll be in it waiting there for you. : :