Whole-Heartedness Exposed

grey matter approaches

my head hung low again

drowning and dreary outside

sirens crying in the air

somebody tell me i'm really here.

this weighs heavy on my soul

trapped here in this flesh

i can extend my heart

sympathize with the whole

but i can not tear away this fakeness

i can not step out of this body.

enlightenment is a sham

hopeful and obedient

they slave away for something unreachable to life.

a bird is crying

does it know some sadness

that i could not bear on my shoulders

it can fly

it is not caged.

i contemplate my existence

because i can

remember

my sun drenched hair

my feet bare in the grass

my arms open

i was made of sin

i have limitations

life's goal is death.

freedom.

split second decisions

yesterday i walked out into traffic.

my mind was blank.

i heard no sounds.

the light was hitting just right on every plane.

then out of the silence and blankness,

came the sound of your voice.

you called to me.

i swung around to look at you,

to see what was the matter.

you pulled me back.

into you. into me. into the world.

time picked up again.

cars zoomed by. people were talking.

i don't know where i was.

but it wasn't here.

looking back on love

i know i've hurt,
caused pain during my time here.
done fucked up things,
i regret.

i know i've helped,
made beauty out of so little.
you know,
i look forward.

but in the end,
on that scale,
will it all even out?
will my life have meant something to me?

when few days are left in my life,
and i'm remembering you,
will i have touched you for the positive?
i hope so. i pray so. i beg so.

i want to remember;
dancing with you in slow, perfect harmony,
laughing at your stupid faces,
crying because my heart was so heavy with love,
holding you in the mornings and kissing your forehead,
you telling me that you love me.
and if i can remember those moments before i go
i'll know i'm going in peace.