withdrawl.

it's a panging.
quiet. subtle. severe.
my heart leaps about,
crying out for my soul.
my stomach feels like a blackhole,
endless and yearning.
my head is pounding and deep in thought.
it needs and craves and wants
only this. only you.
only that bottomless satisfaction.
perfection.
just a little.
now? forever? never?

The Door Swung Shut

i descend into the darkness of your eyes
you're watching me
waiting for an answer that would lead you in (to my soul)

and i think to myself...
maybe its too much at once

you kiss my nose softly.
you are still waiting,
i can see it in the way your face has changed
growing impatient now with my heart

how can i put this heaviness on you
of all the people i love
you. cannot ask me for this.

so you'll stay there waiting and wanting
growing evermore impatient with me
and just when you want to give up
i'll let you in.

Own This.

she knows how to move,
how to feel,
how to be.
gives it her all
she doesn't sense them staring anymore
she's numb to it.
they watch her dance.
she's graceful,
beautiful,
elegant...
everything they imagine she should be.
she remembers a time when she was little
dancing in the wild flowers by her home
it wasn't like this then.
concentrate.
make the moves.
perfection.
her heart beats wildly to the music,
she knows the songs all too well.
finally after what seems like forever,
shes done putting on this show.

fragile

show me how to float
i'll try not to sink again!

i'm strong, i've just been sick too long
to even remember what strength is...

i feel like my legs have given out,
my head has given up,
my heart is consumed.

prop me up. do something.
i can't do it on my own

i almost thought i could float
but i'm sinking.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

you people disgust me.
gab, gab, gab, all day long
never stopping.
hold your breath
longer
longer
i want to watch you squirm
just once
your stupidity makes me overflow
with anger, sadness, and amusement
shut up.
you are so loud now, you are in MY OWN head
your stupid words and phrases run together
so fast i zone in and out
make it stop.

Honestly, My Love

tangled up in my hair
i look back at you
the motions you go through
you are too good for them
they watch you, as i do
with a hunger that i do not know
...or understand
laughing your laugh
you scare them, my love

holding hands in the park
playing this game
no one understands
i live and die in your arms.
each night and day a different you
i try to repeat "nothing lasts"
its my new mantra.

Spoonman, I love you.

One time you got forks as a gift
A set of forks.
Should I get you spoons
A set of spoons.

You were the only one aware
Probably the only one who cared
Following me closely with your eyes
Your hand on my back as I slipped away

You knew who I was at first meeting
Me crying desperately
Hold.
Rush in the afternoon.

Shaping and molding me
Time flys and I've grown
Spoonman, I love you.
Dewey.

...And How Do You Feel About That?

The best way to sum that up would be... I feel like melting chocolate.
I guess people are funny... does that mean i am?
Maybe.
I feel like "happy" isn't really a word or an emotion. It's pretty much nothing.
I hate being alone.
This is me typing.
This is my mind.
Shit.
Am i weird?

She Doesn't Love Us Anymore.

I look outside my window...

Watching
The rain trickle down

Watching
The wind shake the trees violently

Watching
Her be angry with us today

Watching
The puddles forming

Watching
As she is trying to clean this filth

Watching
Umbrellas dance

Realizing
She doesn't love us anymore.

Your Heart Beats Irregular

I can see myself in your eyes
beautiful reflection
fake lives, lived together
hopeful failings that eat me from the inside out
festering wound that won't heal
time is passing
i shout out my love to the stars
thank god no one hears me
i'm small.
almost nothingness
my glass heart shattered
its been given out
all those tiny pieces, you each have one.

Something New

your hair falls in my face
as you kiss my neck and collarbone
the metal in your lips graze mine
everything is simple and perfect
it all makes sense right now,
right now in THIS moment.
with such carefulness you touch my body
as though it were going to shatter,
it feels like it is.
every cell is exploding with joy
i close my eyes and keep them shut
such things can't be felt while my eyes are open,
of course i peak once in a while just to look into yours.
you look as if you've won
the grin on your face shows me your jaded
thats the way i like you.

You & The Night

this is my first "blog" attempt haha. i'm not too sure about these things. i guess this will mainly be for my thoughts and life and poetry and art? i hope people like it? wow. i'm cool.